


"Cigarettes Out the Window"

by whydidmyusernamechange



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Humanstuck, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Music, Like just barely over 800 words sorry, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29551746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whydidmyusernamechange/pseuds/whydidmyusernamechange
Summary: Me guessing what perhaps went through Rufioh's mind before Damara went "crazy".
Relationships: Damara Megido & Rufioh Nitram, Damara Megido/Rufioh Nitram, Rufioh Nitram/Horuss Zahhak
Kudos: 2





	"Cigarettes Out the Window"

**Author's Note:**

> Translations: {Note: I'm not entirely fluent in this language so sorry if it really sucks, also my keyboard cant type kanji because I'm American, I'm so sorry.}
> 
> Sumimasen: Excuse me.
> 
> Nani ga mondai desu ka: What's wrong?
> 
> Watashi to issho ni kitsuen shimasu ka: Do you want to smoke with me?
> 
> Oyasumi, ashiteru: Goodnight, I love you.

"Sumimasen."

Damara whispered under her breath before clearing her throat. I removed my hands from her waist and sat up in bed while I watched her make herself a bit more decent. 

Well at least from the waist up, I knew she was still in her underwear.

Her slender fingers pulled on the silver handle of the drawer, oxidized by time. 

I turned away. I knew what she was about to do. Damara used to never really be one for smoking. Although she occasionally got high, it no longer seemed like something she did for the endorphins more like a punishment. 

She would force herself to sit in front of a cold open window while only half dressed after whenever we would have it off.

She walked over to the window and sat crossed legged in front of it for a brief moment before pushing it open. I resisted the urge to cover my ears at the sound as it screeched noisily while she seemingly with all her strength pushed the window up. 

A cold breeze blew into our room. She didn't even shiver. In fact she stood perfectly still, I could've swore her eyes had twinkled a bit. Almost immediately I assumed she would cry. But that's not Damara, as sweet as she is she's not that open. 

It had to have been the wind in her eyes is all.

She opened her box of Marlboro Reds, then with her teeth she swiftly drew out a cigarette. It hung erect in her mouth. Her silver lighter shone in the moonlight, almost blindingly. The bright reflection of a celestial sphere's stolen illumination grew more vivid before ceasing very abruptly. 

A smoke began to stream from Damara's cigarette. 

Her now faded red lips parted allowing the slim cylinder to fit comfortably between her index and middle finger. She allowed a thin line of smoke to leave her mouth, seemingly to evaporate into nothingness.

As Damara let her lengthy, almost-velvet-like hair unravel independently, free to roll down her back, encompassing her, when she let herself loose, it was when I felt the worst.

When she was vulnerable with me.

And it made me feel even worse because it made me think of how I never felt the same with her as I did with Him.

I had no right to feel this way. Yet these feelings persisted. 

Im really, truly trying to stay in love. But falling out of it simply doesn't hurt as bad as I think it should. Especially when I have Him.

"Nani ga mondai desu ka?"

"I'm fine, doll."

"Watashi to issho ni kitsuen shimasu ka?"

"No, I'm good. I should probably sleep anyways."

"Oyasumi, ashiteru."

She smiled slightly as she said it, her voice sweeter than butterscotch and caramel melted into one pot. Then turned back to the window to take another drag of her cigarette. I turned to face the ceiling.

"I really am scum, aren't I? Heh.." I thought to myself then sighed. 

I wouldn't sleep well tonight. I knew that almost certainly. And I was right. I faked sleeping long enough to hear the creak of that ancient, god-forsaken window again. Then Damara went to brush her teeth.

It appalls me how clean her teeth are despite her smoking.

They were all the same hue of daisy petals and fresh blankets of snow on New Year's mornings. But whenever we kissed afterwards the bitter taste lingered in my mouth.

So whenever He would come around I couldn't help but be intoxicated by something much sweeter.

That's how I rationalize it at least.

But sometimes I couldn't help that maybe her growing increasingly bitter was my fault.

Maybe she knew.

Maybe she knew from the start.

Maybe all this sneaking around was pointless.

Or maybe it truly was her.

Her hard sweet shell was growing soft in the sun, but slowly burning into nothingness. Exposing her blackened center. A crater filled with nothing but molded black licorice. Not only bitter, but vengefully rotten.

Perhaps I was a fly that was lured in by the sweet smell only to be betrayed as the surface diverged, threatening to swallow me whole. Except He is here to pull me out before she closes in on me.

The water from the bathroom stopped.

I couldn't hear her footsteps, but I could picture her in mind making her way back into our bed. She draped my arm around her shoulder and snuggled herself into my chest.

I held my breath, then continued to breathe, in time with her.

I felt sick.

The way her hand interlocked with mine.

The way a small grinned formed on her face as she drifted into slumber was because of me. 

She liked me.

She  **loved me.**

And I didn't.

I couldn't.

I'm too far gone.

I'm already out of love with her.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> TV Girl is such a swag band their entire album "Who Really Cares" is really good!!


End file.
